Careless Whisper
by The Night Owl is Addicted
Summary: With the lure of a promise and a taste of what awaits him, he gave in--but then it disappeared, leaving him trapped inside a race where careless whispers urged him to go forward until he was left with no chance at all to win.
1. Prologue

Pairing(s): RikuxKamiya as the main pairing with RikuxSena and JuumonjixSena on the side.

Inspiration: Careless Whisper, more specifically, Hyde's version of the song.

Gelly: There, I've finally changed the summary... I'll miss it. *pouts* Anyway, special thanks to Clar and Melo for giving me invaluable help with this little story.

Warnings: AU, also, drunkenness. In no way does the author support addiction to alcohol. Actually, she doesn't support drinking at all. Maybe in _really_ small quantities (It's medically proven to be good for the body), but otherwise, no.

Disclaimer: I do not own Eyeshield 21, nor do I own the lovely, lovely song, Careless Whisper.

xXx

Prologue

xXx

Sultry, slow jazz music resonated throughout the large room. Dim, colored lights blinked in and out, circulating all around the area, making Riku wince every time it flashed by him.

Not that it bothered him, really. He was far too engrossed in finishing his sixth glass of liquor. Or maybe it was already his seventh.

"Gimme another one," he slurred, pounding the finished container on the bar. The bartender looked hesitant. The young man already looked out of it, and with no companion to escort him back home, another glass might not be a good idea.

Riku looked horribly drunk- slumped position, hair disheveled, flushed face- but in no way did it lessen the intensity of his glare as he repeated his order.

"Hey, bartender, I _said_ another glass."

The command was firm, daring the bartender to do otherwise. He had no right to interrupt or even suggest that he should stop drinking, Riku thought, annoyed that the bartender was taking too much time before complying.

_What's with that look? Are you trying to tell me that I had enough? I don't need to stop, damn it. I know how to hold my liquor. I've been drinking since way back then, before _he_ got me to stop… that man… that… that pathetic excuse for a friend. I hat-… I… I hate h-_

He pounded his fist on the bar, muttering another string of curses, surprising those who were near. His hands were fisted so tightly, it could bleed.

_Damn it, I can't even _think_ about hating him._

"Hey, where's that drink?" he asked again, this time more calmly… Or rather, weakly. He looked pitiful then. The hand that he previously used to pound on the bar top was now fisted on his hair; the other was sprawled over his eyes, preventing anyone to catch a glimpse of the tears that were already flowing.

A soft thump reached his ears. When Riku looked to his side, he saw another glass of liquor and some tissues. He ignored the other item, instead, he quickly grabbed the glass, drinking a swig, feeling the liquid dry out his throat as it went further into his system. He could feel his head getting lighter. If he opened his eyes, he knew that he would only get a hazy view of his surroundings and later on feel nauseated. It was better to keep it closed.

He placed the glass close to his forehead; the coolness coming from the ice was somewhat refreshing, it absorbed all the heat that he was sure was apparent on his face.

The alcohol was fully taking effect now. Riku could feel the familiar numbness that he often sought way back then. Back during the times he had resorted to alcohol as a means of escaping, of releasing, and of consoling himself, having no one to turn to.

It was in his own decision to act this way, to get himself lost amidst all the alcohol and music, to put his body into this state. He was breaking his promise to _him_, but obviously that didn't matter right now. Nothing mattered at the moment.

xXx


	2. And It All Began

xXx

And It All Began

xXx

It was the first day of classes, officially marking Riku and Sena as high school freshmen. The whole school was busy. After the welcoming activities, the students were given time to roam around to check the facilities and the booths lined up along the corridors and various parts of the school advertising various clubs and organizations.

"Come on, Sena! Hurry up, we don't want to be late for the amefuto team sign ups. I heard this school had a good rep when it comes to amefuto," Riku said, tugging on Sena's arm and refusing to let go as he maneuvered their way around the crowds. There was the obvious amused tone in his voice—he was almost laughing—as he dragged his childhood friend towards the outdoor fields.

"W-wait, Riku—Oops, I'm sorry! Riku! Riku, slow down a bit! Rik—oomph."

Sena rubbed at his nose after bumping into Riku. The other boy didn't even seem to notice, and instead, after a few seconds of standing still and staying silent, he turned around and gave Sena one of his brightest grins.

"Let's join the track team," Riku announced, face determined, as he pointed towards a booth with his free hand.

Sena blinked, confused. While the track team did have specific games that relied on speed—his and Riku's specialty—he knew that the sport hadn't really interested Riku, and during middle school, they only lasted a few meets before they quit the club to join a new one. They were scouted by another athletics club, and after getting the chance to play in one match, Riku and Sena had been turned into loyal American Football fans.

And it only made sense that they would continue playing the game once they entered their high school. They had even made promises to play till the Christmas Bowl and everything!

Sena had never been one to argue his best friend's decision, though, so in the end he found himself agreeing to Riku who had already begun leading them towards the track team's sign-up booth.

"My friend and I are going to try out for the track team—running events," Riku told the guy at the booth.

The guy at the left, with a scary looking scar over his nose looked at them like he was scrutinizing their worth. Probably satisfied after a few seconds of staring, he passed them the sign-up sheets before turning to his friend, saying, "Ne, don't you think these new recruits keep getting cuter and cuter?"

Sena could feel Riku's eyebrow rise in mild apprehension. "Excuse me?" Riku said, tone quite vexed. He had never taken being called 'cute' well. He always thought of it as a diminutive description when applied to males, as people had once used it to tease them about their height, or lack of it.

"Riku, I'm sure he didn't mean anything bad by it," Sena whispered hurriedly, trying to placate his friend before Riku's temper got the best of him.

But then the previous guy suddenly _laughed_.

"What's so funny?" Riku's back went rigid and his shoulders visibly tensed. Sena placed a restraining hand on him, trying to hold him back.

"Now, now. Kamiya, you should stop playing with the new guys. We'll end up lacking new members if you keep on doing that," the other person finally spoke up. Sena thought his cowboy hat was very unusual.

"Aw, c'mon, Kid. We don't need weaklings that can't take a few jokes. Besides, with me as team captain, even if we only have the minimum number of members, I bet we'd still win!" Kamiya said, leaning on the back of his seat with his arms behind his head.

As Sena had expected, Riku promptly scoffed, probably offended at being called 'cute' _and_ a 'weakling'. "With that kind of attitude leading the team, I doubt you guys would even make it to the finals of the district meet."

"I'll have you know that I led our team up to Nationals last year, winning majority of the running events." He looked smug as he pointed a finger at Riku.

Riku crossed his arms in front of his chest. But before he could say anything, Sena quickly clasped a hand over his mouth. "Ehehe. Um, really? That's pretty cool," Sena said, trying to control the situation.

"I bet they only got up to the first round," Riku mumbled through Sena's fingers. Sena tightened his hold on his friend which only earned him an affronted look. He looked back at him helplessly.

"Haha, it _is_ pretty cool, ain't it?" Luckily, Kamiya seemed oblivious to Riku's ongoing minor temper tantrum. "I had to participate in more than three events, but I won—"

A cough prevented Kamiya from going further with his rant. "Try-out starts tomorrow after class hours at the outdoor field," Kid said.

"You'll see us there, then!" Sena said for them both, very relieved. He shot Kid a thankful look, who titled his hat in reply.

Later that day, when Sena had asked Riku for his reasons in suddenly joining the track team, the only understandable thing he came up with had something to do with the proud guy from earlier, Kamiya.

xXx

"Here, Sena, I'll help you warm up." Without waiting for an answer, Riku stood behind Sena, placing his hands on the younger boy's shoulders and slowly pushed him downwards.

"Thanks, Riku," Sena managed to say as he bent to reach his toes.

It was the day of the try-outs. Dozens of freshmen and older members were scattered all around the outdoor field, stretching, warming up, testing out the equipment; it was definitely an exciting sight. Riku could feel the air of friendly competition.

Today wasn't only about scouting for new players; it was also the time to showcase one's talent, to have the chance to show the coach what you're made of for the chance to participate in the upcoming meets.

However, despite the slightly intimidating atmosphere, Riku stayed calm. He wished he could say the same for his friend.

Riku leaned along with Sena as he pushed him down again. "Loosen up a little, Sena. I can feel your body tensing. That won't help you when you start sprinting," he whispered.

"B-but, have you seen the other guys, Riku? They looked really fast—probably faster than we are," Sena said, getting disheartened by his own words.

"Stop speaking nonsense, Sena. We've been training together since we were kids, and using the techniques that I've taught you, no one ever caught up to us. We'll do fine—no—make that, we'll do great," he reassured his trembling friend, giving him a slap on the back. "There, done. Help me next," he said as he sat down.

"We'll definitely be this team's aces, like how we were in middle school," Riku continued as he bent towards one foot. "And with us on the team, not only will we get to Nationals, we'll win first—" He paused, feeling something off with the hands pushing him down.

He snapped his head up only to see Kamiya grinning at him. "Pretty confident, aren't ya?" he chuckled, "Real cute~"

"Shouldn't you be helping Kid-san with the tryouts? And where's Sena?" Riku immediately demanded, practically glaring.

"Hey, no need to look at me like that," Kamiya said, raising up his hands in a surrendering gesture. "Your friend's over there, helping another kid."

"Sena was helping _me. _You told him to trade with you, didn't you? Look, now he's gotten even more nervous with talking to another kid, tch." The intensity of the younger boy's glare wasn't decreasing, even as he tried getting up. Kamiya, however, didn't look bothered by it at all, and instead continued applying pressure on Riku's shoulders, preventing him from standing.

"Your friend's gonna be fine. S'not like getting separated from you for a few minutes will kill him," Kamiya said, half pouting. "Actually, it's getting kinda weird seeing you two together all the time. Are you like, together or something? 'Cause you're really clingy and overprotective 'bout him, you know?"

"He doesn't like me tha—no, I mean our relationship isn't like what you think," he quickly uttered before finally managing to stand up and jog over to where Sena was, all the while looking down at his feet. He hoped Kamiya wasn't able to see him blushing.

Riku sped up his pace, eager to get away. When he had reached Sena, his best friend looked very concerned, asking him if there was something wrong. Riku waved his worry away.

There really wasn't anything between him and Sena other than close friendship, he told himself. He didn't have to feel disappointed (about what, Riku wasn't even entirely sure, but the feeling was there). He didn't even have to explain it to Kamiya in the first place. He should've just allowed the upperclassman to assume whatever, and if Riku was lucky, the conclusions Kamiya would reach will compel him to leave Riku and Sena alone.

"Can you help me with warm ups again, Sena?"

"Oh, sure!"

And their kind of close friendship was special. They were fine as long as they stayed together, safe and happy. Sena was his 'little brother', the one that mattered the most to Riku. Riku was Sena's 'older brother', the one that taught him things and supported him.

If nosy seniors like Kamiya made Riku question the infallibility of such a relationship, then he was better off simply ignoring him.

xXx

Unfortunately, ignoring one certain Kamiya Taiga proved to be impossible.

"It's impossible."

"Hm? What's impossible, Riku-chan?" The man in question asked as he brought his face closer towards the smaller boy.

"You. You're impossible to deal with, Kamiya-_buchou_," Riku dryly said as he took off the arm that was encircled around his shoulders.

Riku would attribute the lack of hindsight to earlier frustrations, because his concern over Sena was always above everything else, blocking logical thoughts such as recalling that Kamiya was the track team's captain.

Such minor problems were easy to rectify, though, and Riku knew just how to deal this certain ordeal. "Sena, we're quitting. We're going back to playing amefuto."

All around the field, various exclamations of shock and disbelief was uttered.

"Ehh? We are? But, if you really want to, Riku… I guess…" said the ever reliable Sena.

"What? WHY?" cried Kamiya, who reaction Riku readily ignored.

"Aren't you being a bit too brash, Riku? That's not good," Kid, the only voice of reason in the whole club said.

"That's not good at all!" Kamiya repeated after Kid. Kamiya was almost flailing, but then stopped as if a brilliant thought struck him. He scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest, a confident grin printed on his face. "I knew you were just a cute face. You can't even back up your words."

Riku, who was already on his way to the locker rooms stopped mid-step. "What?" He whipped his head to glare at Kamiya, plans to ignore him be damned.

The bastard was smirking. "Aces my ass. And you were talking about winning the Nationals, yeah? Well, I bet you can't even beat me. Though I don't blame you. From what I've seen from the tryouts, Sena's the only one with the potential to even come near my speed."

"You—"

"So go ahead, quit so you can at least save face." Kamiya sighed and gave a salute to Sena's direction. "It's a shame to see you go, Sena. If you ever change your mind, though, you're always free to come back~"

Riku knew better than to let Kamiya's words get to him. He clenched and unclenched his hands and counted to ten, then to twenty.

"You should calm down." Before Riku could look up to whoever it was that spoke to him, a hat had been placed over his head.

After a small, low growl, Riku huffed. "Fine, I'm staying."

"Ah… that means I'm staying, too," Sena echoed.

"But…" Riku spoke again.

"But?" They all repeated.

Riku pointed at the taller boy. "But first." He smirked. "You, me, a race of your choice, right his instant." He wanted to prove something, and this was the best and most rational way of doing it. A battle of speed. Just thinking of it excited Riku, his previous scuffle long forgotten, instead replaced by an odd sense of joy.

Sena gripped his arm. "Riku, isn't that kinda—"

"Hah!" Kamiya interrupted. "I accept! Let's make this quick with a 400-meter-sprint."

"That's fine with me. And to make it even more interesting, we should have a bet. If you lose, Kid-san gets your place as captain." Riku nodded at Kid, who in his opinion was everything a captain should be (much more than a certain Kamiya Taiga, at least).

Kid, though, raised an eyebrow at him. "Hey now, Riku, that's not—"

"And if I win?" Kamiya interrupted again.

Riku narrowed his eyes. "I doubt you will, but anyway, if you do, I'll do anything you want… within reason."

"It's a deal! Let's race."

The next day, their new captain was introduced to the team.

xXx

Along with their team bagging Nationals, the first year of his high school life had been one of Riku's better days.

No one knew when, but slowly, that carefree laugh that Riku used to always sport became more strained. Even Sena couldn't do anything about it, when before all it took was for the brown-haired boy to laugh and Riku would laugh along with the same amount of enthusiasm.

His attitude, habits, and over-all appearance had changed. They were subtle enough for those who weren't really that close to him to not notice the change, but for his group of friends, he might as well have changed completely.

It wasn't really how he had looked; he was still as attractive as ever. Someone who saw him then would still be able to see that same boy, only with slightly more mature features. It was the air around him, the aura that he emitted that was the apparent modification.

After that one year, he had become more and more unapproachable. He was too serious; he matured faster than his peers that they felt intimidated. He was colder. He felt colder. And he didn't want to do anything about it.

No one knew why, but as the years passed, the child inside Riku slowly dissipated, till one day, it was gone.

His friends would sometimes talk together, wondering what caused the change.

It couldn't have been caused by his studies, the difficulties in learning that came with reaching another year level. Riku never seemed to have struggled with it before; in fact, he was always one of those athletes who did well physically and academically.

It couldn't have been caused by his family, his friends, or his love life, because the rifts between his relationships seemed more like the effect of whatever it was that made him like this.

Maybe, and most of their discussion ended up with this conclusion, it was the alcohol.

xXx

It was inevitable.

It always came at one time in a young teen's life. The time where he would be faced with the temptation of drinking. For Riku, it had happened when he turned legal.

It started with one glass. It always did. One single glass to commemorate his turning twenty. He was legal now, they said, he couldn't argue that he was still a minor, like how he had usually done to avoid the offers before.

He had to drink at least one. One glass of cocktail. No one at a party can't _not_ drink the alcohol-juice mix.

He had to drink at least one. One bottle of beer. Its alcohol content was even lower than that of wine, anyway, so after the cocktail came dry beer.

He had to drink at least one. One bottle of Nihonshu. Just what kind of Japanese would he be if hadn't even tried the rice wine?

After at least one more drink, after that one shot of tequila, Riku was out of it.

The hangover was nothing to be happy about. The other short term effects weren't pretty, too, and it would have been easy to stop after the first time.

But he didn't. He didn't stop him from being persuaded to drink more (and more, and more, and moremore_more!_) the next time he found himself inside a bar, or at another party, or just in the confines of a friend's or his own room with nothing better to do. He didn't stop even when he was being persuaded to let go, even when friends—even when _Sena_ begged him to stop drinking another glass.

Riku always said just one more. At least one more. Because it was hard to let go. Because he couldn't, didn't want to let go, not when deep inside him, he craved for that moment of relief, for that temporary haven created by his inebriation.

His friends had later decided that his change was indeed caused by the drinking, but that opened another question even more confounding than the first.

Why did he let himself continue to get drunk?

xXx

It had been five years since Riku last saw that familiar scar. Five years since he last saw that grin. Five years since he was last confronted with that haughty, carefree attitude.

"Kamiya-senpai." Riku blinked, half-suspecting the figure to be a figment of his imagination (and he wasn't even drunk this time… At least he thought he wasn't).

Kamiya was blinking at him too, a similar look of surprise and disbelief on his face. "Ah, Kaitani Riku-kun!"

"Senpai, you can just call me 'Riku'. No need to be so formal." Riku smiled. It felt strained. Riku wondered if Kamiya could tell that it was. But, that wasn't possible; Riku had checked before and his strained smile had looked normal. Normal enough to fool his closest friends, to fool Sena when they looked too concerned and he had to wave their worry away. (Sometimes, Riku suspected they couldn't remember his real smile anymore so they thought that the forced smile was now his true smile.)

And Kamiya was someone he knew from _five years ago_. Maybe long enough to remember how wide and free Riku could grin, but it was more likely that it was long enough to make people forget.

"…I don't know. Are you sure? You don't look too happy by it."

"Huh? You mean that first name thing right? 'Course not—everyone calls me that, anyway," Riku answered a bit too hurriedly. Did he sound defensive? Kamiya was staring at Riku, looking very deep in thought. A voice in the back of Riku's head told him that he had noticed. Riku had to look away. Kamiya couldn't have. There was no way he could have. "I mean, seriously, it's fine."

"Ahaha, okay, if you insist, Riku," Kamiya said, rubbing the back of his head. "Oh, hey, you wanna grab lunch or something?"

Riku bit his lip. "Well, I was kinda going somewhere…" He bumped into Kamiya on his way to a bar, after having had the urge to get drunk badly earlier.

"Oh. If that's the case, then…"

Riku stole a glance at Kamiya face and felt very guilty when his former upperclassman looked dejected.

"But I could go some other day!" Riku amended, smiling when he saw Kamiya's face brighten up. His decision had been good, hadn't it? "After all, I just saw my senpai from high school." Riku's eyes looked less dull, almost sparkling in delight. "You better treat me, okay, senpai?"

"Sure, sure! Anything for my kohai~" Kamiya laughed and wrapped an arm around Riku's shoulder. It gave Riku a nostalgic feeling, remembering how it had always annoyed him when Kamiya did that. It was so long ago though, and it was almost funny how he didn't really mind it right not.

Riku laughed, too, as he allowed Kamiya to drag him along, the previous need to get smashed suddenly whisked away, gone till another day.

His chest felt lighter. His shoulders did too, even with the weight of Kamiya's arm on it. It brought back feelings he thought had disappeared after his first year of high school had passed. Well, it's return did make sense at the moment, because right now, with Kamiya calling Riku cute and teasing him and bragging about things Riku didn't really care about, it was just like his first year of high school all over again.


	3. Today, Tonight

xXx

Today, Tonight

xXx

Somehow, after that one chance meeting, Riku would manage to catch Taiga (Yes, it was _Taiga_ now, since they were on pretty good terms, and it wasn't like the older boy said anything against it) at the most unexpected times.

Once, they saw each other on the train. Another time, they met at a store. And at that one other time, they bumped into each other at an amusement park.

…Okay, maybe Riku would admit that not _all_ of those meetings were purely coincidental. Maybe he had heard somewhere about which train Taiga rode. He probably had heard Taiga talk about that store once during their little message exchanges (he was able to subtly ask for Kamiya's number) and how the other boy took a particular liking to the shoes that they sold. And it was _possible_ that he had found out about the other's outing with a couple of his friends through some... research.

But that was just a huge maybe.

After all, that one day when _accidentally_ met at that city fair definitely had nothing to do with Riku casually telling Taiga in a text message that the fair had stalls that sold quality sports equipment and clothing. He didn't think that Kamiya was still interested in those kinds of things since the other didn't do much sports now, so yeah, it was such a _surprise_.

Whether or not it was accidental on Riku's part, none of his friends really did bother to confirm. It wasn't due to their lack of concern, but rather, it was because they feared that if they poked their heads into the matter, something fragile would be broken, and once more, Riku would return to the state that he had put himself in with the alcohol and the fake smiles.

It was better this way.

"Sena, do you need me to come with you to the bookstore? Or maybe you want to have lunch together?" Riku asked. He was in one of his better moods having ridden the bus with Taiga earlier that day.

He had been so active recently, Sena noticed, and that was a good thing, the brunet thought. He had been so worried over his childhood friend, and he was thankful for whatever had happened that turned the older boy this way.

"Um, if it wouldn't be any trouble, that'd be great." It was best to just go with whatever Riku wanted. Sena knew that doing so made the other more satisfied, and thus happier. And when Riku was happy, so was Sena; it had always been that way with the two of them, it was what made their relationship so long lasting.

"I'll come with you- after all, that's my duty as your big brother," Riku chuckled. Up till now, he's still taking the big brother role to heart, Sena fondly thought. "And maybe we can go to _that_ place for dessert. It's been so long since we last went there together, right?"

"…I don't know, Riku…" _That_ was probably the place Riku often went to have a drink.

Sena would have been happy about the fact that Riku wanted him to tag along to the places that the older boy frequented, but to tell the truth, the brunet didn't like seeing Riku getting intoxicated. Sena would try and stop Riku, but he never could. Riku just drank more and more till he would be too out of it that Sena had to carry him back home… though he would have to admit that he didn't mind doing _that_, at least.

"Aww, come on. I know you don't really like it there, but you're the only one that I can ask. Do it for me, please?" Riku pleaded.

The brunet hesitated for a few seconds before, "…All right. I'll go…" _for you_.

xXx

They've been the best of friends for over a decade.

For the people who knew them, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary to constantly see them together. After being with them for a while, seeing Riku get so protective of Sena would be normal. If you got to know them, it won't be weird anymore to see them drift off to a world of their own every now and then.

And for Sena… he had always treasured those moments when Riku seemed to think of nothing except him. It was selfish and wrong on so many levels, Sena knew that, but… he should be allowed not to care. Just for this. Just when it came to Riku.

Riku always stood up for him, cared for him, stayed with him no matter what. He had 'grown' because of Riku, and it made sense that he had grown to appreciate the other's presence, too. It also made sense that gradually, appreciation turned to 'like', then 'like' to 'love'. Sena didn't know when it had happened, didn't know when he had started treating Riku as more than a friend or a brother, but it didn't really matter. Knowing that he was just as important to Riku was enough for Sena. Everything will be fine as long as it stayed that way.

"Riku? Sena?" Sena turned around to see a familiar face running towards them. It was their former captain in their first year of high school, Kamiya Taiga.

"Taiga-senpai! Isn't this a coincidence," Riku said.

_Taiga_-senpai? The last time Sena had met the taller boy, Riku had always referred to him by his last name. Since when-

"Ah, that, yeah. I was just doing some shopping when I saw you guys. Had to greet my former underclassmen, right? Anyway, you guys going somewhere?"

"We're just going to grab dessert at this place... And _sure_ you did."

Riku was smirking and teasing with the taller man. Sena had never seen his friend act like that with other people. Usually, Riku was that way with only his childhood friend.

"Of course! I missed seeing my cute underclassmen!"

"We just saw each other this morning."

This morning? Had that been the reason why Riku had been in such a good mood? Was it all because of Kamiya?

"But it's been a while since I saw you guys together. So you guys are still like that, aren't you? Always so close. Aah, I'm almost jealous of Sena~"

"E-eh? Kamiya-senpai, s-saying something like that…"

"Don't say such stupid things. Sena and I are close because we're like brothers… only just that."

Why did Riku sound so intent in confirming their relationship as something that was only between friends that acted like siblings? Only with Kamiya did Sena hear Riku insist in such a manner about how there was nothing important between them.

Not important.

That was what Sena felt like at the moment. The two men before him were chatting so comfortably with each other that Sena couldn't help but feel like he was intruding, like he was an unwanted spectator… that he was watching two strangers; except, he had known these two strangers, seen them before at a time in his life, so now, it was just as if he was being left out.

Riku seemed so casual as he conversed with Kamiya, so relaxed that even Sena was surprised. It had been so long since he last saw that kind of expression on his friend's face.

It was an uncomfortable emotion; it hurt his chest to see Riku like this. It wasn't because Sena hated to see his friend this way- no, of course not. The pain was caused by the fact that it wasn't _him_ who brought about this kind of look from Riku.

Why can't it be him?

They were considered the best of friends, and yet, not once was Sena able to make Riku smile that way, not since they were in their late high school years. But here was Kamiya effortlessly getting Riku to laugh so heartily that Sena… he _should_ be the one feeling jealous here, not Kamiya.

Because, while the other man seemed to mean so much to Riku that he was able to make him act like that, in Riku's eyes, Sena was probably just a good friend.

Yes, that was what they were. Close friends, surrogate brothers… Nothing more.

xXx

"You're _what_ with _whom_?! Sena, are you kidding me?! This isn't funny at all," Riku exclaimed, looming over the table before Sena. "Aren't you rushing things? Why didn't I see this happening?! Sena, did I do something wrong?!"

Sena fiddled with his fingers, unsure with how to answer the barrage of questions. He didn't think that Riku would make such a big deal out of this whole situation, but then again... maybe he was also half-expecting this kind of reaction."R-Riku," he forced out a nervous chuckle. "You're acting as if you're a dad who lost his daughter to a guy…"

"That's exactly what I feel right now!" Riku said seriously.

"Rik-… hey, I'm not a girl!" Sena frowned, not amused by the subtle insult that he got. However, he would have to admit that the frown was also partly due to him feeling that, up till now, the other boy can only see him as nothing more than a surrogate family member. It pained Sena so much that he was slowly feeling more and more confident about his decisions...

"That's not the point!" The boy in front of Sena was fuming. "How can you do this to me, Sena?"

It wasn't fair. Riku wasn't supposed to act this way, as if he was so hurt over Sena getting a boyfriend. He had no right to talk, not when he practically did the same to him. "…you're not being fair," Sena mumbled.

Riku blinked. "Come again?"

Sena blushed. "N-nothing… Juumon- I mean, Kazuki-kun is really nice. And he looked pretty sincere when he asked me out and I couldn't say no…"

"Do you _know_ how wrong your words just sounded?! It's not convincing me the least." Riku face-palmed, he really looked out of it. "Why didn't you tell me that you were into guys? Wait, that's not the problem… Why _him_ of all people?! ...If I knew, I would ha-"

A tiny spark of hope lit up within Sena. Maybe… maybe there was still a chance for him. In the back of Sena's mind, he was waiting for some kind of disapproval. Any sign at all that Riku liked him as more than a friend. If the other boy would just say so, if only he would say those words that Sena had been waiting for all these years, then maybe… then maybe…

Sena fisted his hands- he had to give it a try.

"Stop that, Riku, please." He gave a small smile. "Can you… can you just trust me on this? Kazuki-kun really does care for me and I want to give him a chance. This might be good for me."

This is it. It all depends on Riku's answer now.

_Please, Riku… please tell me what I want to hear…_

"Sena…" Riku looked away. "If… If it's going to be good for you then…Fine, do as you want." He sounded so calm, so nonchalant.

Sena had to hold back his tears. It wouldn't do for him to act like a cry-baby in front of Riku and ruin it all for the both of them. Sena could try making it work… Maybe he could start believing his own words- that giving up on Riku would be good for him. That's right, it's for the best… Riku said so, too.

"…Thank you," Sena finally said in the most convincing happy voice that he could muster.

It was one of the few times that Sena found it hard to keep wearing a smile.

xXx

Riku was confused. He was shocked. He was disappointed. He was depressed, annoyed, angry, stunned, upset, hurt- he was freaking out of his mind as dozens and dozens of negative emotions surged through him all at once.

A silent scream echoed inside his mind- Riku couldn't take it anymore.

A drink, he needed a drink. He needed alcohol inside his system real bad, and he needed it _now._

"Give me a glass of whisky," He ordered the instant he was sitting on the bar stool. His order quickly arrived, and just as rapidly, Riku took and drank it in one gulp. The alcohol burned down his throat; he winced as he felt the paradoxical dryness of the liquid slide down.

"Another one," he ordered again. Just a single glass wasn't sufficient- he was still conscious enough to think. "Give me something even stronger, and make it straight."

_I need to feel numb_.

He didn't care for paradise or haven. All that he wanted right now was to feel so wasted that he won't be able to feel and think anymore about what just happened.

_I need to forget. Forget about Sena._

He felt betrayed by the one person he had trusted, by the one person he had always cared for… by the one person that he had really liked…

_Liked?_

That's right. He really liked Sena, ever since they were young. That was why he was so adamant in being the brunet's older brother figure. He didn't think that Sena would accept them being something more than that, he thought the boy was straight. If he was Sena's special older brother, it was almost like having the brunet for his own, they would still have that special relationship that was almost as good as having each other as lovers. He wanted Sena to be his forever.

"…_Riku, I have a boyfriend now."_

_No… Oh hell, no… no way- no, no, NO!_

"Bartender, give me the strongest alcohol you have." Riku's voice came out strangled and hurried.

"Hey, Riku, _fancy_ seeing you here-… Wha-…what are you doing?!"

_Who's that…? Stop moving around, I can't see your face clearly. Oh, wait, no, it's the alcohol... Good, it's working._

"What does it look like? I'm getting myself drunk." Riku was shocked to hear himself say those words so contemptibly.

"I can see that."

"Then why the fuck did you ask?" Riku managed a glare. Who was this idiot?

"I wanna know _why_ you're getting yourself drunk," the blur said. "You… You don't look the type. You know, to drink."

"Shows how much you know," Riku spat out. "Why don't you just go away and leave me alone?"

"No." Riku could guess that the other was sitting down on the stool beside him.

"What the-" he whipped his head back to his drink. "Tch. Suit yourself. Bartender? Another glass."

He could swear that the man was staring at him as he rested his chin on his hand - he could feel the man's strong gaze as he slumped even further on the bar top. The man was definitely unrelenting… How unnerving.

"Are you seriously just gonna sit there and watch? You're at a bar- drink something," Riku said as he swirled the contents of the glass.

"I don't drink," was the man's simple, quick answer. "Besides, that much alcohol isn't good for your system," he added as an afterthought. "You of all people should know that."

Riku angrily faced towards where he had perceived the man was seated at. He wanted to talk back and tell the him that he always knew what he was doing, that he was drinking for a reason, that the man should just mind his own business and he should just talk to someone else who cared about his opinions… he wanted to, but he couldn't. He wanted to speak, but before his mind even tried to come up with a coherent reply, it had blanked out.

His eyes had glazed over, sending a jolt of pain through his brain; it was a familiar sensation that often told him that he was reaching the capacity of his tolerance for the alcohol. He could feel his upper body falling limp, surging forward. He tried grabbing on to the bar top at his side but his hands refused to move.

He closed his eyes, waiting for the impact between him and the floor or the stool or whatever it was that he was about to hit. He waited and waited, but instead of a hard, cold surface, soft, warm hands encircled him.

Now that they were close enough, Riku could finally make out the face of the annoying, relentless man.

"Taiga-senpai," Riku gasped out, recognizing the familiar face. "Taiga-senpai… Taiga-senpai," he repeated again and again.

He wrapped his arms tighter and tighter around the other's chest. Before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face as he kept uttering Taiga's name until the words ran over one another and sharpened and blurred behind his eyelids - _Taiga-senpai_.

Taiga's only answer was calming, shushing sounds as he patted Riku's hair.

It was pathetic, how he was acting so childishly in front of Taiga and how he allowed his former upperclassman to see this side of him. He didn't want to let him see this. Riku was only supposed to enjoy being with Taiga. Being in the other's presence was supposed to make him feel better, feel happier… just like when he was in his first year in high school. Just like when they met again five years after that.

"…Make me happy," Riku whispered, more to himself than actually requesting it from Taiga.

_If it was Taiga-senpai, then maybe… maybe I can feel happier again... No, if it was him, I _know_ I'll be happier. He's always made me forget about my anger, even when sometimes he's the cause of it. Even after pissing me off, he's still able to make me smile again… he's the only one. I don't know why but when he's here, I feel better… If it's him-_

"No!" Riku covered his ears. "…N-No." He repeated in a softer tone.

_I can't… I can't ask him that. I'm not someone weak that I'll have to depend on the likes of him. I'll be fine. I've been fine without him. Why should I need him now? He's nobody. Just a stranger in the bar. He doesn't matter! I can take care of myself- didn't I manage on my own when he left? I did. I'll be fine… I'll be…_

"Riku? Riku, are you all right?" Taiga asked, anxiety laced in his words.

"…I'll be fine," Riku managed to say as he wiped the tears off his face. He pushed against Taiga to raise himself up but the other's hold on him was strong, preventing him from sitting up straight. "Taiga-senpai, I said I'll be fine... You can… You can let go now."

Taiga tightened his embrace. "I'll never be good enough for you, will I?"

"W-wha… what are you…?" _Good enough for what?_ Riku wanted to ask, but he felt weak.

It was too comfortable, this position that they were in. It should feel awkward with Riku slightly leaning over and with his face buried on Taiga's chest, but instead, it helped Riku relax. The warmth coming from Taiga's clothes helped relieve Riku from the dizziness he got from drinking alcohol. It felt nice… He wondered if it was all right if they stayed like this for a little longer.

He thought he was hearing murmuring sounds. Was Taiga telling him something? Riku couldn't pay attention to anything anymore aside from the steady beating of the other's heart. It was lulling him to sleep, but he fought to keep awake. He shouldn't fall asleep on Taiga, he had to get up and bring himself home… or at least crash at some hotel.

_I have to… I have to… get up and… and… I_

A yawn escaped Riku. He nuzzled his head deeper on Kamiya's chest.

_Nngh, maybe… maybe I can let my guard down. Just for tonight… Yeah…_

"…Senpai… can I… stay… with… you?" Riku said in between breathes.

It took a while before Taiga answered. Riku had thought the other didn't like the idea but, "…Sure," he said.

_That wasn't so bad... That's right, with Taiga-senpai, I can let my guard down… even if it's just for tonight…_

"But you have to stop drinking," Taiga said. Riku barely managed to comprehend the words.

…_Just for tonight… I can do that…_

Riku gave another yawn. He was too tired to give a verbal response; his head was too clouded over to think up of anything, much less think up of a proper reply. He nodded.

…_Just for tonight._


	4. The Morning After

A/N: In case it wasn't obvious yet-

_Italicized words –_ mainly theinternal dialog / thoughts of the person. This is actually a clue to understand whose PoV is used in a certain part.

Usually, my line breakers (xXx) indicate a change in PoV or a change in scene.

It wasn't that anyone was asking or someone said that they were confused about it. I just wanted to be clear. XD

xXx

The Morning After

xXx

The smell of something burning woke Riku up with a start. He immediately kicked off the covers and began looking around, eyes instantaneously searching the room for the source. However, another quick whiff made him realize that the house wasn't really on fire- it was actually just the stench of burnt toast.

Riku heaved a sigh of relief as he slowly lied back down. He had moved too quickly and now, as a consequence, the headache originally caused by the hang-over had doubled.

He could do with some aspirins.

_I think I still have some on the dresser._

He reached for the bedside dresser only to be faced with a dresser-less bedside.

He blinked, hoping that it was only his mind playing tricks on him, preventing him from seeing the said furniture. But then, it hit him. Looking around (while carefully trying not to aggravate his headache), he was able to notice a few… differences.

_His_ room had a bookcase lined with books and trophies. This place had shelves with only trophies (none of which he was familiar with since he was pretty sure he had never joined any dancing contests along with… were those pageant trophies?!).

_His_ room smelled faintly of alcohol, but other than the lingering smell of burnt food, the room he was in smelled completely normal- if you considered the smell of dirty laundry 'normal'.

_His_ computer had dozens of post-it notes stuck on the monitor and _his_ computer table had papers and pens scattered all over. However, this place had a lonely laptop that was left open with no stationery supplies to be found.

_He_ preferred keeping his blinds closed (Riku didn't like the sunlight glaring at his face so early in the morning), but here, the curtains were swept to the side, letting the soft sunlight flood in through the bare window.

And after realizing that he _did not _own a blanket with dog-like patterns, Riku could finally conclude that this wasn't his room… Nor were these his clothes- oh wait, no- those were his pants. But the large t-shirt definitely wasn't his!

Certainly, his situation begged the question of where on earth he was.

"Where on earth am I?" he asked out loud for good measure. He tried conjuring up possible locations where he could've ended up. Obviously, this place wasn't his room in his apartment. It wasn't his room in his parent's house, either. It also definitely wasn't Sena's room. Nor could it be some random hotel room... Just _where _was he?

"Riku! You're awake!" A head popped in from the door- it looked like Riku's former senior in high school- Kamiya Taiga. "You don't look so well- your head hurt or something? You want some headache medicine? I think I have a couple around here somewhere- Ah, but d'ya need other things? Haha, I really don't know how to deal with hangovers, so if you need anything, just ask 'kay? Wait, are you hungry? The toast got burnt but I managed to save the eggs and bacon, you fine with that?"

Taiga continued on talking and talking but none of his words managed to reach Riku. The younger boy was still staring at the dog-like-patterns on the blanket, wondering and debating over the design about whether they looked more like wolves than dogs.

_They must be Siberian huskies._

The boy hated to admit it, but his thought process was a _bit different than normal_ (as he usually put it) the morning after getting completely drunk.

And, unfortunately, such was the case today.

He slowly sat up straight. "Nngh… Taiga-senpai?" He should really ask Taiga about…He paused. What was he supposed to ask again?

"…Huh? Ah! Yeah? What is it, Riku?" The taller boy took a few seconds before he responded.

He looked like he just got snapped out from something. He seemed like he was just staring at him, though, Riku thought. Riku also noticed a slight blush on Taiga's face, but the smaller boy couldn't fathom why.

_Maybe… it was because of the heat? Taiga was cooking food a while ago... Or maybe he's embarrassed of the apron he's wearing?... He shouldn't be. It looks kinda good on him…_

_Speaking of aprons, I don't remember owning an apron like that. Did mom buy me another one? Did the old one get burned again? I tried not to leave any burnt marks on that last apron... Wait. That's not the point. She shouldn't have gone out of her way to buy me another apron! I told her that I could take care of myself- I'm old enough._

The smaller boy wasn't aware that he had been staring off into space the whole time he was having his internal monologue. His lips were slightly parted, he had bed hair, he sported a dazed look, and with the somewhat larger shirt… Taiga had to look away so that he wouldn't start staring… again.

"Riku?" Taiga called out after five minutes had passed with the smaller boy still not talking.

The boy blinked, snapping out of his reverie. "Huh?... Ah, Taiga-senpai," more blinking, and then, "Hey. Where did you get the apron?"

"Aha-ha… t-this?! It's nothing, it's nothing! It was just something lying around the house! I swear- I mean, there wasn't anything else, so yeah, and uh… that's it, really!"

As Taiga looked flustered while quickly taking off the said piece of clothing, Riku could only deduce that the other really _was_ blushing because he thought that the apron looked silly- And that his mother did get him a new apron. He reminded himself to at least thank his parent before reminding her not to bother next time.

"You didn't have to cook for me," Riku said as he stood up from the bed. He then dragged his feet as he headed towards his kitchen-slash-dining room… That is, if he could remember the way there. He was pretty sure that he only had to turn left, and it would be the door to his right, but… Really, now. He doesn't recall having the place renovated! How could he have forgotten the way to _his_ own dining room?!

"Ah, Riku, the dining room's this way," Taiga said as he motioned for Riku to follow him.

How did Taiga know the way around Riku's house when he, himself, didn't? And what was the other boy doing here in the first place, anyway? It's very unusual to see Taiga at his apartment. In fact, this should be the first time.

Riku should be surprised to see the older boy, he really should. But he was currently problematic of the fact that _he_ couldn't find the way to his dining room. Everything was just a mess inside his mind, it wouldn't do for him to keep going like this the whole day. He should really try to straighten things out.

He stopped walking.

_Wait- That's right! This isn't my house! So… this place is… Taiga's? What am I saying- of course it is… I knew that..._

It was then that he was able to piece things together.

He was inside Taiga's house- no, he needed to be more accurate. He _slept_ at Taiga's house _inside_ _Taiga's_ _room_ on Taiga's own _bed_ while wearing _Taiga's shirt._

There weren't enough emphases in that previous sentence that would fully convey how Riku felt at the moment. Nor will he be able to find the right words to express the emotions that were currently jumbled up inside him.

He clutched at the shirt he was wearing, making wrinkles form around the hem. Just the mere thought of his current position, and already, his mind felt like it was too preoccupied to think up of anything else- not the fact that he had been drunk the night before which was what lead him to asking his senior to let him spend the night over; not the fact that he had made himself so severely intoxicated that he forgot about getting intoxicated in the first place; and certainly not the fact that he it was heartbreak that lead him to his inebriation.

The gravity of the situation felt too much, too heavy to bear, but even with that, there was still one thing that his body allowed him to do.

He smiled as he tried catching up to Taiga.

xXx

The dining room was silent save for the scraping sounds of metal against porcelain. Taiga fidgeted as he idly tapped his fork on his empty plate. He felt awkward as he tried his best to only focus on the objects on the table before him and not at the slightly-more-awake-but-still-looking-half-asleep Riku and the way the smaller boy would take a bite of bread before eating the already sliced sunny-side-up egg, and how he would always lick his lips after drinking some juice, and how it looked like he always carefully chewed his food before swallowing...

_…Focus on the food, Kamiya Taiga. The _food, _not at Riku and his eating habits- the food!_

"I'm done. Thanks for the meal," Riku said as he stood up, gathering his plates as well as Taiga's.

"Wait, wait- you don't have to do that, Riku! You're the guest, right, so I'll clean up," Taiga immediately protested, taking the plates from Riku.

It was a short-lived tugging war as the smaller boy forcefully took the items away from his reach. He would have fought more, but when Riku gave him this smirk, Taiga was effectively stopped from trying anything again.

Damn, he was acting like he was whipped.

Taiga sighed as he combed his hand through his hair, his face not without an amused yet beaten smile. He tried busying himself with wiping the table, but every now and then, he couldn't help but stare at the figure washing the dishes with an anxious look.

Despite how normal Riku looked at the moment, after what Taiga had witnessed last night, it was obvious that he viewed the boy differently now.

Last night, Riku had looked so helpless, so weak, that for a couple of seconds, Taiga wanted to confirm whether or not it was the same cool, confident kid that he knew from high school.

Then again, it wasn't the first time that Taiga felt like he was facing a different person.

One could say that he was pleasantly surprised when, after five years, he had managed to see Riku again- that cute, little, feisty freshman who instantly caught his eye when he and his friend were signing up for the track team where he was captain. Taiga thought the chances of meeting each other again after he had graduated would be pretty low, but here they were- having breakfast inside _his_ house, eating the food _he_ cooked.

Well, it _did_ take five years before their reunion, but the point is, he could swear it was _fate_ when he was given another chance to have a glimpse of that adorable face.

What more was that, during that particular reunion, Riku was actually the one who started talking to him, and the boy seemed to really remember him, too! Taiga could swear he was grinning from ear to ear when Riku told him that it was fine to call him by his first name. He was so happy that he knew he could keep saying the other's given name the whole day and not get tired- he really was going to do it, too, but the way Riku's face looked as he said it made Taiga think twice. He didn't have any basis for it, but Riku's smile… it looked tired, or sad, or… or forced. That's it. It looked forced.

Taiga frowned.

He didn't like that kind of smile coming from Riku. When he saw it, he felt like he wanted to make things better somehow; he felt like he wanted to get Riku to smile like he used to; he felt like he wanted Riku to look genuinely happy to see him. He felt like…like he wanted to get back the 'Riku' that he knew from high school.

xXx

He had something new to aim for, a new target that he wasn't willing to lose sight of- not a chance. He was prepared to do anything, but the problem was, he didn't even know where to begin.

What did he know about Riku? Not much, apparently. The only knowledge Taiga had of the other boy were those that he got when they were last together… and that was five years ago. Would knowing something about a person dating back to five whole years help him?

Riku was the type who could evolve in such a short amount of time, Taiga had once concluded since way back then. The person he is now was probably very different from the one he knew five years ago, Taiga just knew- he didn't have proof, but he just _knew_ that that was the case.

So, it only meant he had to do a little digging here and there- something a bit (just a bit!) hard to do since he didn't want to look like some stalker. But while he always did enjoy a challenge (after all it was an opportunity to show off his amazing skills), there were times when he simply wanted things to work out for him.

It was annoying how his objective was presented right in front of him but he wasn't allowed to just reach out and take it. It was a delicate situation in which he had to carefully plan out his steps. He needed to identify points in which he's to make his moves. He can't expect Riku to just come to him… in his dreams, maybe… and what awesome dreams those would've been.

"Kamiya-senpai? Fancy seeing you here!"

_…I must be dreamin'…_

Here was Riku sitting next to him on the train, casually asking for his phone number (he looked pretty cool while doing it, too, Taiga had to say). It was a very welcome coincidence that Taiga should've used to start his plan with, but he had been too wrapped in trying to make Riku laugh at his jokes (and he was proud to say that he was successful!) that he almost didn't notice his stop.

He was trying to get his breath back at the train platform, when he face-palmed as he realized his mistake. An opportunity like that doesn't come often, how stupid of him to let it go to waste!

"Taiga-senpai – can I call you Taiga-senpai? Anyway, Taiga-senpai, what are you doing here? Buying some shoes? I think you're going to need help, good thing I'm here, right?"

The long-legged boy was dumbfounded the whole time he got dragged by Riku from store to store. Just when Taiga was thinking how this whole thing would be so hard to accomplish because he didn't know a way to get closer to Riku, the said boy would present himself. How lucky.

And as if the previous occurrences weren't enough to prove his good fortune, fate decided that those wouldn't be the only times that they would 'accidentally' meet each other. Riku kept saying that every meeting was purely coincidental, and Taiga wanted to believe him, too, but the arrogant side of him kept thinking that the younger boy was really going out of his way to meet Taiga.

He'd never think to say it out loud in front of the younger boy, though. If he did, the other might stop, and who would want that to happen?

xXx

Things were definitely going well. Too well that Taiga could just imagine Kid saying something about this being a bad premonition… or something like that. Anyway, it's not like Taiga believed in things like that.

"Hey, Riku! Over here!" Taiga called out when he saw the said boy entering the bus he was riding. He stopped himself from grinning too much as he recalled how this was the seventh time (in just the past two weeks) that Riku rode the same bus as him.

Every day, Taiga had to be careful to arrive at the right time at his stop. He had to wake up extra early just to be sure, but it was worth it if he got to spend half an hour with Riku inside a half-empty bus. It made his mornings _so_ much brighter.

It was just a shame, though, that they didn't get off at the same time- then they could've walked together, too.

_Oh well, guess I can't have everything._

"Say, Riku, you still take university classes, right?" Taiga asked that one particular morning. If one cared enough to pay attention to the long-legged boy, they would notice that he had a certain determined air that day. They might also notice the scheming look which was only slightly masked by the excited gleam in his eyes.

"Yeah. Sena and I go to the same school," Riku replied with a smile that Taiga had come to recognize as a particular expression that he always used when Sena came into the topic. Taiga half-pouted.

"Sena, huh? It's been pretty long since I last saw him," Taiga mused. "Anyway," he continued, trying to steer the conversation back to the original track he was trying to go on. He could be _really_ determined when he chose to. Not to mention focused as he always tended to have a one-track mind-set. "You must be busy all the time with studying and stuff, right?"

"Nah, not really. University's not _that _hard," Riku half-bragged.

Taiga chuckled. "Riku must be really smart then, ne? Don't you go to that famous school?" he teased.

"Like I said- it's not _that_ hard," Riku smirked. "I even have time to do sports."

"Hey, hey! Don't be _too_ bigheaded!" Taiga had Riku in a head-lock as he ruffled the younger boy's hair. "But that's great, though! Riku's really great. I was right when I chose you as the next team captain back then!"

"You did? I thought it was the coach's decision," Riku said, disbelief on his face. He didn't bother taking off Taiga's arms- something that Taiga smiled about on the inside.

"It was. Kid had a part in it too since he was captain, but I did most of the convincing. Coach didn't want a second year being captain, but I said _I_ got to be captain even when I was just a second year, so why can't you? Maybe he got tired of me bothering him," Taiga laughed. A few seconds later, Riku joined in on the mirth.

When they were calming down, Riku uttered out a quick 'thank you'. Taiga noted how cute Riku looked when he was pleased.

"It's nothin'," Taiga said with a smile. He took off the arm encircled around Riku and instead used that hand to comb through his hair. "So, anyway, since you're not that busy, does that mean you still have time to go out and party or other stuff like that?"

"Yeah, most of the time my friends and I get to eat out at those restaurants and bars near our school, especially now that we don't have any exams and papers due any time soon."

"Really, that's great! Does that mean you can… I mean, since you're not busy and all, maybe you can… with me, and uh," Taiga couldn't look straight at Riku. He kept averting his eyes, staring at everything else aside from the younger boy- the other passengers, the bus driver, the people going down the bus, the students walking outside, the familiar looking school- he was wondering why they weren't moving yet when there wasn't any traffic, but then the bus softly budged forward so he didn't bother dwelling any more about it-

_Wait…_

"Riku! That was your stop!"

"What?!" Riku quickly stood up, giving Taiga a wave before he dashing towards the front of the bus to ask the driver to stop.

Taiga heaved a sigh as he watched Riku safely go down the bus.

_…Just when I was gonna ask him to eat out with me._

Another sigh escaped his mouth as he finally tore his gaze off the now empty spot beside him and instead focused on the blurry scenery made even hazier by the glazed glass.

It was disappointing, Taiga had to admit, but that didn't stop him from grinning as he stared out the window. He wasn't the least disheartened by the situation, as in fact, a positive thought danced around his mind as he watched cars, buildings and people whizz by-

Not being able to ask now only meant that he could just _accidentally_ meet up with Riku later.

xXx


	5. Almost There

xXx

Almost There

xXx

Four times. The long-legged boy noted to himself, feeling slightly miserable at the thought.

Four times Taiga walked past the same store, walked along the same sidewalk.

Four times Taiga circled around Riku's campus in hopes of catching the younger boy exit the school grounds.

_Four times_ and still no sign of Riku. But did that stop Taiga? Of course not—though the weird looks that the old lady selling flowers were beginning to give him _were_ getting on his nerves. Tch. She should just mind her own business… both figuratively and literally.

He messed up his soft, lush hair out of frustration. If he had spent the same amount of time and effort _researching_ Riku's schedule and whatnot then maybe he didn't have to tire himself out waiting for someone whom he had probably missed already. But _no_, he opted to make up his plan of action as they came. Impulsively, he went straight towards Riku's school as soon as his shift was over, having only the fact that Riku's class finished at four-thirty… and what time was it now?

Oh, look, his wristwatch read five-forty-five.

He had been searching for more than an hour.

Groaning, more out of despair than fatigue, he sat down at one of the chairs on an outdoor café. A waitress approached him, trying hard not to show any sign of anxiety for the poor kid who seemed to have been dumped by a date. She offered him iced coffee which he politely refused; the caffeine would make him feel worse. Instead, he asked for some calming tea, yes, that was what he needed.

It was served in less than five minutes and just from the aroma, Taiga already felt his nerves smoothening out.

It didn't take long, though, before his heart started pounding again. He dropped a few bills on the table before dashing towards a familiar figure.

"Riku?" he shouted a little too loudly, but he didn't care. "…Sena?" he added after seeing the other smaller body beside the silver-haired boy. He hoped his voice didn't betray his jealousy.

Their conversation turned animated. Taiga was trying real hard to turn his spite into playful teasing. It turned out better than expected. Riku was so cute, insisting that nothing was going on between him and the speedy youngster next to him. It was what kept Taiga's hopes up.

He continued with what he could consider very mild flirting, his previous distress all forgotten.

xXx

His first attempt at accidentally meeting Riku went rather well, Taiga thought. So well that he figured it wouldn't hurt to do it a second time.

Such was his confidence that, again, out of impulse, Taiga headed straight towards Riku's university still without a clue of his whereabouts after the end of his class. He'll do fine; he had Lady Luck on his side, he was sure of it.

At the last café he waited at the other day, Taiga sat and waited. He was overjoyed when he saw Riku storming off somewhere away from him… wha— away?! WAIT.

"Riku!" he called out, but Riku didn't seem to hear. He just kept on walking. Uh-oh, looks like he's in a bad mood again. However, Taiga reasoned with himself, visibly perking up, that just proved how _really _lucky he was today—he can be the one to comfort the brooding boy!

With a show of prowess in stalking skills, Taiga trailed after Riku until the younger boy went inside a bar with such familiarity that Taiga was almost taken aback.

He watched Riku go straight to the bar table and ask for something. In the time, Taiga made himself look presentable and decided on how he should appear before Riku. Should he act cool? Well, he's always cool. So maybe surprised? Yeah, he can go with that.

Casually, he approached the boy with a 'oh what are you doing here?!' look. But upon seeing him quickly down a glass of what definitely looked (and smelled) like strong alcohol… It wasn't enough to say that Taiga was the one who was shocked.

Concern quickly overrode his face. What was Riku doing, drinking stuff like that? Riku was smart and healthy and careful and… and… and just not the type who goes out to drink himself senseless!

This can't be the cute freshman he knew.

Hey, that's right! This isn't him! It's just some look-alike… or a Riku fanboy trying to look like his idol! Yeah!

…Damn it. Who's he trying to kid? He wasn't that stupid. It was obvious this was _the_ Kaitani Riku he loved annoying; the Kaitani Riku he loved teasing; the Kaitani Riku he just plain _loved_.

It wasn't the same person he knew before, Taiga realized. This distraught boy—no, he wasn't even a boy anymore. By law, Riku was technically a man; only, he still emanated this child-like need for comforting. In any case, this person in front of him, _this_ was how Riku had turned out.

Taiga can't help feeling that he was somehow at fault here. And all the while he was fighting over blaming himself or not, things just happened so fast.

He and Riku began a little argument, with the younger boy being a bit more irate than usual. He unwillingly watched Riku drink one, two more glasses of liquor and then, finally, Riku fell into his arms. Somehow, Taiga figured Riku just recognized him at that moment when they were less than a couple of inches away. Taiga panicked when, all of the sudden, Riku began sobbing out his name. He didn't even do anything! God, please don't let it be his fault. He'd never be able to forgive himself if he really was the cause of Riku's tears.

What was he to do?

At first, it was a small feeling of obligation. He was simply carrying out the unwritten upperclassman-lowerclassman rule by looking out for the younger. But as he kept ruffling that soft silver hair, he fully acknowledged how it was what he knew from the beginning. He simply wanted to be there and take all of Riku's worries away.

_Please, Riku, don't get up now. It's fine, see? You don't need nobody else but me._

"Taiga-senpai, I said I'll be fine... You can… You can let go now."

He had learned before that it was always best to let Riku have what he wanted. He knew that. But his heart and body won over his mind.

He tightened his embrace.

Why won't Riku depend on him? Sure, he didn't look the type to be reliable, but he was! He wasn't 'his Sena', either, and even though it always seemed that it was Sena who depended on Riku and not the other way around, Taiga noticed that the silver-haired boy relied on the brunet just as much, in a different way that others could not easily see.

"I'll never be good enough for you, will I, Riku?" Taiga began, but it wasn't the time to be jealous, he soon reminded himself. He'd already made a decision anyway. No matter whom he was to Riku—whether as senpai, or hopefully something more—he was going to make Riku feel better. So much better that he wouldn't even think about drinking again.

Riku's request was the perfect chance.

_Promise me you won't drink anymore._

Riku nodded. Taiga grinned.

"Don't forget your promise, okay?"

And finally, Riku fell into comfortable slumber.

xXx

"Taiga-senpai, where do I put these?" Riku called out from the sink.

"Huh? Oh, the plates go at the cabinet there and the utensils at the drawer next to you," Taiga replied.

After the whole drama scenario at the bar, he had brought Riku back to his home. Nothing happened, he swears! Kamiya Taiga does _not _take advantage over cute drunks. Well, he was almost tempted to—but he didn't!

"Are you fine now, Riku?" he asked as the said boy sat in the chair in front of him.

"Yeah, the headache's tolerable now. It'll be gone soon," he said before drinking a glass of water.

They were fairly silent at the table. Taiga was hesitating to ask about last night's incident, and Riku just didn't feel like talking, it seemed. But after tapping at the wood tabletop became boring, Taiga finally decided to take the ball and dash towards the goal line. "Riku, about yesterday," he started.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, senpai," Riku cut him off, quick and easy. "Were you shocked? I think that was the first time you saw me drink."

"Uh, yeah." Taiga rubbed the back of his head. It was beginning to feel awkward. Should he go ahead, still?

He took one deep breath, and then, "It doesn't bother me, though… Hey. Speaking of bothersome, er, stuff… You know, if something's bothering you, you coulda just talked to me instead of… well, getting yourself drunk. I don't mind listening, really! My friends all tell me how I'm a great listener, you know! They're like 'oh, you need someone to listen to ya? Don't go to me, go to Kamiya-kun! Dude's a real good listener!' I'm not lying! Ahaha... Er. Did I sound too much?"

He looked at Riku in time to see him chuckle.

…Hey! Riku chuckled! Yay for Taiga!

"Hm, no, you sounded like… you." Okay, this was looking good. Riku was smiling… but Taiga can't brush off this odd feeling he had about that smile. "But it's fine now. You don't have to worry about me, Taiga-senpai." Riku stood up. Taiga thought it looked familiar, but he can't place where he saw that smile before. "About the clothes, I'll return it to you after I get it washed. Thanks again."

Riku left. Taiga finally recalled where he saw that smile.

He scrambled to get up. Chairs and tables screeched as Taiga pushed through them to chase after Riku. "Wait, no!" Long fingers managed to cling to Riku's shirt sleeve, stopping the other boy from moving another step forward.

"Is something the matter, Taiga-senpai?" Riku's tone was casual as always, Taiga noted. He had his back turned, though.

_Turn around_, Taiga only managed to say inside his mind, _I want to see your face_, _your reaction._

He wanted to know what was happening. It was going so well, why did Riku have to show that smile?! Why did that forced, hurt look appear? Did Taiga say or do anything wrong?

_Just look at me._

"Taiga-senpai?" Riku asked again, still not turning. "…If you don't have anything else to say, please let go."

His grip only tightened. It was the only part of him that made any other movement. Everything else was stoned to place—his feet, his mouth, his head... he was lucky breathing was an involuntary movement of the body.

A cold hand touched his trembling ones, brushing it off. "I'm leaving now. I'm sorry for imposing on you."

He didn't know how, but Riku knew where to find the exit. Taiga, reduced to being a mute fool, managed, at least, to follow him up till the door leading the way out of his house. He knew Riku knew he was behind him so why wouldn't the boy stop?

Almost too quickly, Riku had his shoes on and was turning the door knob. Taiga could only repeatedly ask himself what was going on, what should he do?

With one last impulsive act, Taiga surged forward and embraced the smaller boy.

"I-if I did or say anything wrong, I'm sorry!" His tongue was working again, it seemed. "I'm really sorry, Riku! Just don't… just don't leave me hangin' here. I'm really confused right now—I dunno what's going on anymore. Was I being too nosy? I just wanted you to know I care about you, right? That I wanted to know more 'bout you. You understand, right? Or... or, was I saying too much? I know I sometimes talk a lot but I just wanted you to tell you that I'm here for you, really, that's all. Please don't be angry if I talked too much. I'll stop if you want!" He squeezed the boy. "Anything, if you didn't like anything, just tell me, please. Or else I won't know. I won't know what I'd need to change... I'll change for you, Riku, you know that? You can forget about that promise if you want! I don't care about it anymore—it was a selfish request anyway. So don't leave… Don't leave me. I don't want to be separated from you again."

His desperation couldn't have been more blatant. If Taiga was the one who heard it, he would've been disgusted by it. And if he was sickened and disappointed by his own actions, then it was no doubt Riku felt the same.

Riku was _appalled_ by the show of weakness and lack of pride in his words.

That was what Taiga kept repeating inside his mind when Riku gruffly took off from his embrace. That was what he forced himself to believe when Riku left so hurriedly that he even slammed the door shut. That was what he reasoned to himself when Riku didn't even spare him a second glance.

Maybe the gods thought it was high time that Taiga's luck should end. He had been having it too good, they probably decided. Someone like Taiga, after getting his way too much, had to be brought down some time, and Riku had been assigned to be the conductor of this whole crazy, angst-filled song disguised as a blissful, enchanting sound especially written by the god of music. And like a sailor who meets his untimely end when he allowed himself to be lured in by the siren's voice, Taiga was soon to hear its beautifully tragic end.

xXx


	6. Careless Whisper

xXx

Careless Whisper

xXx

_I feel so unsure as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor._

_As the music dies, something in your eyes calls to mind a silver screen and all its sad good-byes._

A never-ending race.

They never knew who was behind, or who was at front, or if they were even winning at all. All they both knew was they were both chasing after something. All they understood from what they kept hearing all throughout the race was they had to move forward, one step after another. The sounds they kept hearing, it was so very wonderful to listen to, but they knew to be wary of it; a wise man once told them that something too good was bound to go wrong.

They thought the nagging feeling they kept having from holding back in giving their all meant that their decision had been right. It was a sentiment enforced by the distractions around them. The distractions did their job well. Once, they even had a fleeting thought about stopping, of quitting.

It came when then appeared a fork in the road and something suddenly felt missing. What it was, again they didn't know. Why does it have to be as if they were running blindfolded? As if their sense of sight had been dulled or taken away.

But not their sense of hearing, no.

At another point in their never-ending race, they thought that that, too, had been taken away.

It happened slowly, beat by beat, when they continued down their chosen path from the fork in the road. The annoying sounds that egged them to continue despite their suffering condition, it kept getting softer and softer…

And then it came back with a high, almost ear-splitting note. But it was a pleasant note now. Similar to one that an opera enthusiast waited for at a performance. And it made the distractions and the words of the wise man disappear.

_Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend._

_To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind, there's no comfort in the truth; pain is all you'll find._

The music almost made running feel all right again. It was soft like a lullaby that a mother would sing for her child who can't—won't—sleep until the song was finished (and they kept wishing that it never will).

It came when the fork in the road converged back into one.

The missing piece was filled… and yet still not quite so. However, knowing that it was _not quite right_ meant that the unwanted feeling was to stay, and they didn't want that, no. They have had enough of it, they decided, and they pretended that it was just right in hopes that it will all work out. They had a race to finish, after all.

And it worked (no, not really, but they persistently wanted to believe it did).

They had once entertained the thought that they were going back to where they started, but compared to where they just went through, that was certainly the better option.

_I'm never gonna dance again; guilty feet have got no rhythm. _

_Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool._

Going back to where they started was the better option.

It was.

It definitely was.

But they weren't really going back, were they?

_Should've known better than to cheat a friend and waste the chance that I was given. _

_So, I'm never gonna dance again, the way I danced with you._

When one of them finally realized—he was bound to, sooner or later—the hurt he felt was too much to bear. The pain from knowing that it could never be, that they could never return to their past, that it was him who had made it impossible for it to even be remotely close to what had been…

…it was _just too much_.

The music accompanying them suddenly sounded taunting and for the second time, he thought about stopping, of quitting. He then asked himself 'after running so long, is it all right to just quit?' and his own answer was a quick and decisive 'no'.

_Tonight the music seems so loud. _

_I wish that we could lose this crowd, but maybe it's better this way; we hurt each other with the things we want to say._

So he ran and ran, fully aware of the fact that the lost feeling was back, and fully aware of the fact that it was because he was running alone again.

He can finally see who was behind him.

A small, bitter smile crossed his face at the thought of wanting the person left behind as his running-mate again. He finally understood that that was the case when the music was still wonderful, beautiful, and he tried his best to not break down, knowing he can never hear that tune again.

He can finally see what was in front of him.

He did not like the idea of giving up, but there were times when things must simply end. He cannot undo what he had done, they cannot simply pretend it had not happened, and they have to understand their mistake when they allowed a chance to pass.

In front of him was another opening. He was only human and therefore did not know if what he was going to do was right or if it would lead him to another upsetting path, but that was a chance he was finally willing to take.

He traipsed through the lane that looked like it had only been barely used before.

As soon as his feet touched the worn-out soil, the trail was instantly covered with new blades of grass, letting it blend along with the rest of the roadside and when it was done, the melody changed dramatically, confirming his final realization—

Ever since the fork in the road, they had lost the chance to win together.

_We could've been so good together, we could've made this last forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me?_

_Please stay._


End file.
